Who am I?

Have you ever felt that no matter what you do people will never really get to know you, the real you? I ahve been living in SA for two years now and no one really knows who I am. Very few people have even tried to get to know me. I am a nerd, dork, geek all those things. I know I am not a big conversationalist either. I usually like to get to the point. I don' have interesting stories, I am quite boring. That's one part of me. The other part of me is this wild and crazy person that dances every song at the dance no matter what. That is the life of the party. I honestly feel like I am back in high school. I don't think I ever showed people who I really could be when I was in high school and I am back into that now. There is the popular group that looks at you like you're nothing and treats you that way if you don't dress a certain way, aren't a certain size, or look a certain way. Then there is the outcast group. I sometimes feel like I am part of that group. The outcasts are actually the majority, but you would never know it. Personalities really differ between these groups. The "pops" are very fake. They say hi but don't really care about anything but whomever is in their little groups. The outcasts actually care about everyone they are involved with and try to reach out to everyone else but are crushed or brushed aside. When I first moved here I was at an activity and introduced myself to a few people one person just continued walking. Another person said hi but didn't offer any help, just walked to the group that he/she was running to in the first place and the last one is a kicker. I introduced myself and the person told me that since he/she was leaving in a week for school that he/she didn't care to meet me. I don't know about you but all I can say is WOW. How rude, inconsiderate and selfish you have to be to say and do the things to another human being that those people did to me. Sorry I am not like you but WOW! Ever since that first night I have not felt like I can be who I truly know I can be. I have stopped commenting in classes, I now hate dances and dancing in public, I have a hard time reaching beyond my limits, etc. I use to not be like that. I was normally the first person to introduce myself to and get to know a new person. I was louder and more fun. I was a person. I felt like I was accepted by everyone. I never felt shy about anything. Now, I'm not like that. I have a hard time being who I want to be because of the criticism I know I will face and the fakeness of everyone around me.

I this is really a downer piece tonight. I am now a bitter old woman. The thing I never thought I would be. Gotta get out of this bitterness. People will be what they are. If they have lived a certain way for most of their life then that is their comfort zone and they will stay in that lifestyle. I just gotta see it all for what it is. Once I can do that then I will be much happier. Sometimes it just gets to me and I can't help but explode every now and then, At least I don't explode on people. It's way better to explode on paper and not use names or descriptions than it is to go up to people in the heat of the moment and tell them off. Things happen and you just gotta vent. I feel much better. I don't know if I will ever be the person I use to be, but only the future holds the answer. We shall see, we shall see.

A Little Courtesy Goes a Long Way

So if you can't make it to something and you are suppose to bring a really important part of the event do you wait until the last minute to let the host know about it? Of course not! It is really frustrating when people are assigned something and you try to contact everyone to make sure everything is squared away and then at the last possible minute everyone drops out. That's it, no more hosting things for me. I am tired of taking alot of my time out and not doing things that I would love to do then have nothing come of it. Thanksgiving 2007 I prepared my first Thanksgiving meal from appetizers to dessert. I invited 25 people to attend of which about six said they could come. Which is what I realistically expected. When it came down to it, two days of cooking, no one showed and not one person had the decency to call or email and let me know that they were not coming. It's just common courtesy. I guess parents are not teaching their kids the courtesy anymore. It's all about me and what I want. If I have an assignment, no matter how badly I want to not do it, I always follow through with it. What has happened ot society today. Oh, I know, parents are neglecting their duties to teach their children to serve and instead are teaching their children that the world revolves around them and no matter what you do not let anyone else tell you otherwise. Parents are also getting their kids out of taking responsibility and consequences of their actions. Society has said that there are no longer winners and losers but everyone is a winner. Whoever said that was the way to go was always on a losing team. When I played soccer I was never on a championship team. I loved the challenge os being on a losing team because it helped me improve and helped me overcome challenges and learn how to work. Ahhhh, work. That seems to be missing from the world today. Kids are given everything without having to actually do anything for it. It makes me sick because in ten years those are the kids that are going to go to college and think they can skate by. Those same kids will be going into the workforce and quitting because they are actually expected to do work and will have someone breathing down their necks and will also lose things and not know how to handle it all. They will then quit and do look for another job and go through the same cycle. It's really sad when you think about it. That's society today.

For the Beauty of the Earth

I just returned home after going to Colorado Springs for a week. That place is amazing! I haven't been there since I was about 11 or 12 and it is more beautiful than I remember. I went with my dad to watch the Pike's Peak Invitational soccer tourmament at the Air Force Academy. What a great campus. There are only about 4,000 students and it is the biggest campus I have seen for a school that size. The Cadet Chapel is breath-taking. There are 17 spires on the building. The spires don't mean a thing. The original design had more spires but was to expensive so the plans were revised and it turned out to have only 17 spires. The athletic complex is awesome. The thick, soft, green grass was absolutley refreshing to see. I haven't beena round grass like that in ages. I never played on a soccer field in college that could even compare to that. Goes to show that not alot of colleges care all that much about field upkeep. Oh, well.
Garden of the Gods is gorgeous! I would love to go there everyday and explore something new. It was a great hike with and awesome view. I took lots of pictures. While I don't know the names of the groups of rocks they are still great to look at. I was a little disappointed that I could not do any free rock climbing like I did 15 years ago. They have added sidewalks and signs telling you that you can't do any climbing. I guess too many people got hurt and were trying to sue. It is still a great place to go and lots of fun.
Pike's Peak was really cool. I was able to ride the Cog Railway to the top. It was 89 degrees at teh bottom in Manitou Springs and as we travelled higher in elevation the temps dropped dramatically. I don't know how cool it was, but I had to put on my jacket. The railway took 1hr 10 minutes to fet to the top and 1 hr 20 minutes to get to the bottom. Once at the top there is a 3500 ft drop if you fall off the edge. Pike's Peak is only 14,110 ft. It's ranked 31 out of 54 highest peaks in the Rockies. It was a great experience to go to the top. I think Dad liked it better. He gets so excited about these things. He really is a big kid. That's what makes him so fun sometimes.
It was a great vacation away from Texas and I had tons of fun. I wish I was still there in all the wonder of it all, but it's back to a normal life. Someday I will go back and do all the other things I want to do.