Yesterday Dad had his eye surgery and everything went well. Mom sent me a picture of him. My only comment, "Arrrrrrgh!" That's right, Dad is a pirate, for the time being anyway. Every eye surge comes with a nifty little pirate eye patch. I always make fun of him for it. Now he will be able to see out of his left eye and be a little safer of a driver, especially at night. Maybe now I can trust him behind the wheel a little more.
I also had some bad news with all this good news. Remember back in March when Mom had a surge to remove a tumor from her parathyroid? Well, Mom has had the same symptoms she had before the surge and her hormone levels have not balanced out to this day. Mom did a lot of research online about everything and talked to her doctor about it. She found that when you have had the ectomy of a tumor (like that medical jargon don't ya?) and you still have problems then there could still be a tumor there. Even though all the tests were clear of any tumors the research suggested that there could be a lot of false negatives with the testing. Mom's doc confirmed what she had researched and told her that they would wait until October to do more testing and see where her levels are at that time. If they still are not down then she will have another surge. This really is the year for Gilmore surges. I have had one, Daddio has had two and is still in need of another, and Madre is going to have a second. When it rains, it pours.
Speaking of rain... SA has not had any rain! Okay, there has been a little, but not enough to really make a difference. On top of that, SA has had the hottest July in history and is expected to break the most summer days of 100+ temps for the summer. Two more days and that record should be broken. The kicker, no rain in sight, even into August and temps will continue to be 100+ for the next really long while. Crazy times with this weather!
So I now am officially totally moved into my new place. All the pictures are on the walls, clothes are on hangers, dishes have been used for actual cooking, the living room is complete and I have a new tv. I am so excited and relieved to finally be done with it all! No more moving for at least another year. Whew!
About three more weeks and I will be back to work. I am always excited to get back to work and get back into the swing of things. I feel so weird when I am not on a normal working pattern. I miss work. I complain about a lot of stuff that happenes at work, but who doesn't? I really do love what I do and love the opportunities I have to grow and be better at what I do. What does this year have in store for me? No idea, but I can't wait to find out!

Hodge Podge

Let's see what has happened lately. I moved into my new apartment and I love it! It is so much more comfortable than my last place. I even have enough space to get the matching recliner to my couch. I finally have a complete living room! It looks so much better when it has a completed look to it. It makes me smile every time I walk into the room =0). All I have to do is hang one more picture and I will be completely moved in. I was going to do that on Saturday, but I just didn't have the energy after getting home really late the night before from my indoor game then waking up early to run a 5k and helping at the Pioneer Celebration the West Stake was having and grocery shopping. It was a really full Saturday and I was so happy when I finally went to bed and was able to rest my body. Sleep is good!
Dad still isn't talking to me, but I can handle it. He needs time and I will give him all the time he needs. Mom did tell me that he is having eye surgery on the 27th. He also found out that he has an eye disease that causes him to get cataracts frequently. He will have this one removed on the 27th then hopefully he won't have another one for a while. They did say the disease was a good thing for his right eye. About ten years ago Dad had his first cataract surgery and the surgeon messed up and ended up causing his retina to tear. He had a couple of surgeries to fix that and one of them he had to have a buckle placed around his eye. The doc told him that because of this disease the buckle has adhered beautifully and is very strong around his eye so they do not expect any problems with it. Thats a good. Knowing me, I found humor in all of this. Stay with me, now. You know how people say pets kinda mimic their owners? Well here's the humor. My dad fell in love with this gorgeous German Shepard from Animal Rescue and adopted her. She has some joint problems (hip, knee, etc) and Dad has joint problems (knees, back, etc). Hallie (the dog) had a common big dog skin disorder, Dad was diagnosed with a common skin cancer earlier this year (it was benign and nothing to fear). This is the kicker, pure bred German Shepards will commonly get an eye disease called canine pannis. It's a disease where the eye's immune system and the body's immune system start fighting each other and this cloud (like a cataract) begins to cover the eye, Dad has an eye disease that causes the cataracts to form. Hence, the humor in it all. Some people may not find that funny, but I think it's so funny.
There are things that happen everyday that I think I should blog about, but then I forget about them by time I get a chance to write, darn it!
I love talking with friends. I find out so many interesting things about them and learn so much about what makes them tick and what they really think and feel. I was talking with a friend tonight and we were talking about boys and their stupidity sometimes. The one thing that I think is so important to to understand out of the many things we talked about is that it's all about the small things when it comes to showing people that you care. We were talking about this in the context of dating and relationships, but it goes such a long way even with your friends and strangers you meet everyday. When you remember something someone told you about their week and you ask them about it. Just being able to listen goes such a long way. An offer of help even if the person doesn't use it. A little smile, a glance, a gesture of love and friendship. It's not the big things that really make us happy and really show that people care, it's the small things. Sometimes, though, we miss the small things because we are so focused on the big. Just remember the small things go a long way in showing that you care. Take the time to do the simple things. I know I will definately work harder on that. It's all the small things.

What is Happening Here?!

What is going on with the United States today? I am sitting here listening to the Glenn Beck show on Fox News and agreeing with everything he is saying. I am very concerned about the direction of the country thus far. I was wary of Barack Obama during all the elections. I felt as though he was hiding something. During the campaign he was not as far left liberal as he has turned out to be. He had a hidden agenda. He wanted the American people to like him and think that he wasn't such an idealogue. He has really shocked the country and started to show his true colors. He promised that the national unemployment rate would not increase passed 8%, it is getting closer and closer to 10% everyday. The economy is tanking and the governement is taking control of it. Has this helped any? Of course not. the 787 BILLION dollar stimulus has not helped anyone. They are now thinking of another stimulus. With what money?! I have not seen more people in houses, paying off credit card bills, etc. I have not seen companies making more money and increseing profits like it was suppose to do. I haven't seen small businesses take off and create more revenue. What have I seen? Companies closing, people losing their jobs, more and more families in line at the food banks, more people begging for money at the street corners, sky-rocketing gas prices, and overall misery among the American people. Now, Obama wants to pass this, like 3,000 page, healthcare bill (who can really read and fully understand 3,000 pages of anything in just a couple of weeks?). That would guarantee every American would have affordable healthcare. Where is the money to support this going to come from? The propsal is that the "rich" will pay for it all. Why should the "rich" pay for someone else's healthcare? The "rich" have been working their tails off to get where they are. They didn't just sit back and say, "I'm going to let someone else make the money for me". The rich have earned every dollar they have. They understand that hard work gets you where you need to be and that laziness does nothing for you. The "rich" are going to pay for healthcare for someone who wants to sit on the couch all day eating bon bons and fast food. They are going to have to pay for healthcare for someone who quite frankly doesn't care about their own health to get out and do something about it. Once the "rich" are tapped out whose going to foot the bill next? Someone like me. People who are barely making enough to get by as it is. People who are working hard to keep a modest apartment and food on the table as as well as pay for all the other bills. If my taxes go up because of this healthcare bill I don't know what I will have to do next. It's getting ridiculous out there and the government doesn't care what it is really doing to the American people. We are transitioning to an almost fascist socialist country. I know fascism is basically a dictatorship but I said almost fascist. It's out of hand. What ever happened to checks and balances? Our Founding Fathers are rolling in their graves right now to see what has happened to the country they fought so hard for. What is going to save this nation? The American people getting their heads out of the sand and taking a stand! Voice your concerns. Tell your representatives that if they do not vote to your liking they will no longer have a job and follow through on the promise and go out and vote that person out. Stand up for what is right. Do what is right. Make a change! There is so much here to talk about but I don't want to get too political and go off the deep end. One other thing love about this government? The leaders of our nation are horrible examples. The new surgeon general is considered obese and she is going to tell us how to eat right, exercise, and so forth. The person who is over the financial sector didn't even pay his taxes. Just about every other nominated person for amy high ranking position has a shady past and has tried to skip out on what the rest of us are doing so we don't get put in jail. Maybe if I don't do my taxes, and become morbidly obese, and break every other law out there I could be in a high ranking government position. How can I trust someone to take care of my health, finances and safety if those people can't do it for themselves? I just turned down a job that I knew I was not qualified for but could have had it in less then a heartbeat if I wanted it and started on my legacy in teaching and coaching. Good thing I have some values, morals and standards. Get a clue Barack. Get a clue.

Just What I Thought Would Happen

So I made the decision to not accept the job in EP. I told Dad this morning and he is still mad as all else at me for waiting so long. I thought the first thing he would say was "Okay, if that is what you really want then I support you." The total opposite happened. "Okay, that puts me in a really bad spot now." What?! I was a little taken aback by that answer. About 45 minutes later after dropping Dad at the apartment so I could go to the gym he says, "I want to talk about this when you get home." I know I burned some bridges with people. I am ready to accept the consequences for this decision. I didn't have to have a thirty minute lecture about it all. I explained my side of everything and there was still that question in his mind that he just couldn't understand why. It was so clear that this is what I wanted a month ago, but something happened and things started changing. I told him that I wasn't happy in EP anymore. It's great to visit, but I could not live there. This last trip really made that clear to me. Now, Dad is not talking to me, which I expected to happen since he has done that every time I have made a decision he doesn't like, and I have to call and smooth things over for him with his principal and the assistant athletics director. I hope that is easier than what Dad has described it to be. I just kinda blind-sided Dad and I fear that it will be taken out on him with his principal who takes everything very personally. I hope I can explain it to her and still be able to keep my dad's credibility in tact.

What To Do, What To Do?

So I have a really big decision to make. WHile I was visiting my family in EP I went on an interview for a new job. The day before I already told my self there is no way I was going to get a new job. Well, the next day an opening became available and I received a call about 30 minutes before the end of the day. AS I was sitting in the interview I felt awsome about it. Then I heard what the position was, Math Inclusion Co-Teacher. Co-teaching wouldn't be bad, but the whole math thing just doesn't work. I would screw those kids up even more than what they already are. I got home and less than five minutes after that I received a call saying the job was mone if I wanted it. Now my dad is making plans to move all my stuff this week and I just don't feel comfortable taking the position. It is a position that I know I am not qualified for and I know the only reason I got it was because the principal of my dad's school pushed it so much. If I take this job it means that I will also be coaching soccer. As I have been thinking more and more about it, I don't think I can do it. I don't think I could move back home at this point. I know it will save me tons and tons of money and it would pay about $10,000 more than what I am making now, but going back home living with my family, listening to Mom and Dad fight all the time, leaving an amazing Institute program, going to a ward where it is basically 18 year olds and no social scene just doesn't seem right for me. The problem I am having is tealling my dad. I know he is going to combat what I say with the whole argument, "If you don't take this it's going to be a slap in the face to all the people who worked so hard to get you in there". I have to be honest in my dealing with others. I think people will respect me more if I am honest. If I burn a few bridges it may be something I have to do. Six months ago I was all about leaving to start my coaching career, but the past week I spent at home with my family and doing what I would do every summer, I just didn't have the excitement that should come with getting a new job. I know when I am genuinely excited, but this doesn't excite me. It doesn't excite me to work with my dad. That sounds bad, but all he talks about is his team and what he is going to need to do for the next year. It's every day, almost every conversation. Sometimes I feel like I can't talk to him without his team coming up. I like to seperate my work life and the rest of my life. I tell stories about my students, but that's not the only thing I talk about. The more I weighs the pros and cons the more I realize I can't take the position. This is the hardest decision I have to make. I know have to tell my dad and I know it is going to break his heart and send him into an anger/depression spiral (it really won't, but I know he won't be happy and probably won't talk to me for a few weeks) but I cannot in good conscience take this job. I just hope all invested parties understand where I am coming from.
Yes, I have prayed about it. I actually prayed for confirmation on taking the job, but I didn't get that "you should really take this job" feeling. I have that confusion (that stupor of thought) that is talked about in Doctrine and Covenants Section 9. I am usually pretty sure when it comes to the decisions in my life. When I make the decision I know for sure that it is the best thing for me. This is the first time that I have had that confusion. It's just a little shock to my system. I know what I have to do and just have to buckle down and do it and take the consequences.

HOT! HOT! HOT! and Some Randomness

I love Texas and all it throws at me, but are we serious with this heat? It's midnight and it's still in the 90's right now. The past two weeks or so it has been in the 98-103 range. I can understand this type of weather in July and August, but June? I found out tonight that the Hill Country Stake will be doing a stake-wide fast for rain on the next Fast Sunday. If we don't get any rain soon we will be placed in stage 3 water restrictions. San Antonio has been in an extreme drought for a very, very long time. I don't think there is anything worse than extreme, but if there was, that would be us right now. As much as I don't like rain, especially after I wash my car, it is so badly needed and I would be more than happy to have it rain after I wash my car. My electric bill is going to be so sky high this month. I don't even want to think about it.

I am exactly one week away from moving into my new place and my July 1 deadline for new job acceptance. It is really going to hoover if I get a call with a job offer after I sign my lease and have to turn it down especially with all the people that have been pulling for me and working their contacts to get me into one of the schools. If I get a call before Wednesday next week then that's what I will be doing, but with the closing dates of the jobs being either tomorrow or next week, I don't see that happening. Sometimes, though, I think my dad wants this more than me. He's been trying to get me to move back to EP for the past two years since I finished my master's. I can tell things have been hard for him because he calls me constantly. For example, today I was studying at Borders for my Institute class and Dad called to tell me something that he forgot to tell me in our hour long conversation the night before and we ended up talking for an hour before he had to take another call. After that call he called me back and talked for another fifteen minutes. I know he misses me and wants the best for me, but sometimes I think he forgets that I am no longer that little red-headed girl that would sit on his lap and hide my head during the scary parts of the movie. His little girl is all grown up and I think it's hard for him to let go. Dad's will be Dad's and will always want the best for their little girls and, of course, always see them as that little girl who would run to him when he arrived home after work, throw her arms around him, and spend the rest of the evening in his lap watching whatever game was on.

It's literally the middle of the night and I cannot seem to feel tired. This seems to be a recurring theme when I don't have to go to work the next day. Last night I even went to bed early and when I rolled over to look at the clock it was 2:30am and I still have not fallen asleep. It drives me crazy when I can't fall asleep. I have tried everything I can to try to fall asleep, but I just can't do it. Grrrrrrr!

When do you just let go and put your trust in someone else? I have done a lot of soul searching lately and have found that I have trust issues. I seem to have built this wall that is almost impossible for people to get around, get over, or tear down. I have a hard time trusting others. I use to be one of the most trusting people in the world, then high school hit and it all went away. There were so many things that happened starting in high school and extending into college that I feel as though I can't take anything people tell me as true. It's hard for me to believe that I am how people describe me. I will usually say thanks or make a joke about something when I am told something but underneath it all, I have a hard time believing it. I was told so many lies and had so many pranks, tricks, etc pulled on me that it's hard for me to see others as being genuine. How do I overcome that? How can I start to tear down those walls? I don't have an answer and wish I did.

This was a lot of stuff to talk about in one night, but I think I am actually starting to feel a little tired. So with that I say so long, farewell, good night!

One step closer to having everything I need to be an administrator. This past week I started my ILD (Instructional Leadership Development/PDAS (Professional Development and Appraisal System) Training. It's a lot of work for one week. I was able to earn 36 1/2 CEU's in one week. I honestly thought I was going to be bored to tears. Well, there were no tears, but there was a ton of boredom. There were so many things a that were repetitive that if if they weren't repetitive then the classes would be three days instead of five. We also went really slow with the material. There was review of what I did in my master's classes that would take up an hour of time. Most of the people in the class are in the last semester of their admin degrees and everyone else in the class was either working closely with their administrators or in an administrative internship within their districts so the review, I felt, was unnecessary. All in all I learned more about evaluation and how to check if lesson plans and lessons being presented are in alignment with school, district and state curriculum, if tests are up to par or to far above the teaching in the class and if a teacher is really bringing their students to the higher order thinking of Bloom's and Erikson's Taxonomies. I am feeling a little more comfortable with evaluating teachers and their lessons even though I am not well-versed in their subject content.
What else this week? Institute is, as always, and incredible experience. I don't know what I would do without it. I have been taking institute classes since I was 18 and have learned so much from them. There are a lot of people out there that don't attend institute because they seem to think that every class is the exact same. Well, to those people, I have taken Book of Mormon classes at least three times and there is not one thing that was a repeat. The great thing about these classes is that there is no script to follow, the teachers really are inspired by the Spirit to fit the needs of the classes they teach. I am grateful for the the institute program and the things it has taught me throughout these past nine years. It has been a great blessing in my life.
I also re-realized that those big parties that everyone gets invited to aren't my thing. Last year I started going to more parties and thought I could get use to them, but after last night, I remembered why I don't like them. I really am more of a small group intimate setting type of person. I like dinners with close friends or sitting at the ice cream place or cafe in great discussion with others. I am all about fun times with great friends in the right setting for me.
All-in-all, this week was pretty uneventful. It's nice to not be surrounded by drama all the time. I can always go for the uneventful.