Personal Progress

I have decided that I will be doing Personal Progress again. I had been contemplating this for a couple of months now and decided early last week that I would buy a book and start. Last night I sat down and started looking through the book and seeing what I had to do. As I was looking through the book I started remembering when I was a young woman and starting my Personal Progress. I felt so overwhelmed as to everything I had to do. This time I read it and have to try to adapt the value experiences to my situation. There are so many things about a future home and family. Since I already have the beginnings of my family (a wonderful husband) I have to adapt some of the experiences to meet my needs. I no longer write about my goals to go to the temple to receive my endowments and to be sealed to my husband. I guess I can change them to how to stay worthy to enter the temple and attend the temple regularly. I know I can make my own value experiences, but I can never think of anything so I just use what is given to me as a guide. A lot of my experiences are surrounding sewing and creating things. I have such a huge lack of that skill that I think it would be something nice to learn so that I will be able to mend my clothing, create new things for my home, and even make my own clothing (that's a little ambitious, but who knows, it could happen, right?). I write this because this is my journal and will be writing a lot about my experiences as I go through this whole journey of Personal Progress again. Just a warning :)

Parent-Teacher Conference

Parent-Teacher Conference day is one of the best days of the school year. I have never seen more than six parents even today. Actually, I have talked to two parents that I saw in teh ahll and wanted to say hi to and that is it. I thought I would have more parents come in and want to talk with me, but no dice. It's a little nice to be like that. Now, I can get all caught up on the work I need to get caught up on. Whew!

The Life

It's been a few weeks since the last time I was able to write. My computer at home is starting to fail me and since I had to change some things with the internet through my provider, my internet is not working on my computer. When I go home I am either cleaning, making dinner, or vegging out and falling asleep on the couch so I have not been on to write in a while. Some interesting things have happened the past couple of weeks. General Conference was the first week of October and boy was it the spiritual enlightenment I needed! General Conference helped give me a new, refreshed outlook on life right now. I feel so much better after receiving such great insight and inspiration from the leaders of the church. The positivity that comes from conference helps increase my confidence. I know I have things that I need to work on right now, but I feel better about where I am in my life and what I am suppose to be doing. General Conference rocks! It is still on our DVR so I can go back and listen to a talk when I need that little extra boost.

Leland is still struggling a little with the bronchitis, but is sounding much better. I think it's been three weeks with this thing but it is finally starting to clear up, yay! I hate it when someone else is going through an illness or situation that I can't help them with. Now, since things are better I don't have to worry so much. Leland is also counting down the number of games he has left to ref football. he's down to 13 more games. He's sad, but it can only help him with his school work and seminary stuff. I found funny when he told me last night over dinner that he is no longer the nite owl he use to be because if seminary. Did my ears just deceive me? My husband admitting to no longer being a nite owl? I thought that would never happen, but it did and I love it! His research is coming along slowly. He had a definitive end date in May, but now he's just hoping to get done by then. I just want him finished with school already! Mostly so I can start saving more to go and get my docorate or another master's in school counseling or something
like that. Overall, he's doing well and things are going in a positive direction.

Work is crazy and busy, but what's new? I had to deal with a situation in which I thought I would have to call the police again, after talking to the mom we decided that the girl was lying. She claimed that she had been sexually assaulted at school towards the end of the year last year and that it had happened again by the same kid two weeks ago at school. That is what her boyfriend told another kid at the school and that kid came to me. So the investigation started and the end result was that she was lying. Thankfully, the parent really likes the school and knew that what her daughter was telling us was false. How do we know it was false? Her stories never matched up. It's hard to keep all the lies straight. She even had to ask me what she had said before in our first meeting the second time she came in to my office. The first and second meeting were only about 30 minutes apart. How else did we know? The timelines were different from story to story. With some of the things she was saying and how everything went down there is no way in such a little school that not one person would have walked in on it happening. We have sixth graders with bladders the size of a quarter so some kid would have had to go to the bathroom during the time she was talking about and would have seen everything that was going on. Plus, she had said it was student in the school that doesn't go to the school anymore, but when looking at pictures and trying to find the kid who matched the description, she couldn't point to anyone and there were no kids that matched the description. Why she would tell a story so huge, I don't know. But it really made me upset that she would do that. You hear about things like that all the time and until you are involved in something like that you ahve no idea how much it hoovers. What is going on with our kids today that they think they can tell things like that and not expect it to be a huge deal? Whatevs.

Things are plugging along and life is going. I just continue to hope that things continue to be positive. I know trials will occur and things won't always be smooth, but I look forward to all the new experiences and knowledge that I will gain from it all.

Inadequacies or Paranoia?

Lately I have been feeling like I keep messing up. I am not a fan of having to feel like I have to "check in" with someone all the time about everything. I feel like I am being watched like a hawk. I can't stand it when people micro-manage. My principal is good, don't get me wrong, but I feel as though what I do is not good enough, or I am not doing enough. No matter what I do I have to check in with him on everything. Just let me go and do! If he would let me do my thing with these kids then I would be able to do so much more in the discipline realm. I try to always tell him what is going on but when I do it seems as though he a) isn't really listening, b) is judging every decision I make, or c) doesn't care until something is about to go terribly wrong then I feel stupid. I feel like I just can't seem to get it right. Like maybe I really am not cut out to be an administrator. I feel like by this time in the school year I should have been settled and have a routine, but I am still all over the place. I can't even get all my stuff organized before it's unorganized again. I am so behind on everything that I need to be doing. Will this feeling ever end? Will being under a microscope ever stop? I want to be doing the right thing and making the best decisions, but it all seems so useless right now. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. Maybe I am doing better than I thought. I don't know, I just don't know.

On the Run, As Usual

Things never seem to slow down, even for a tiny it. This morning I awoke hoping it was still Sunday, but to my disappointment, it's another Monday. The weekends just seem to fly by. I really would love to have two days in my weekend, but that will not happen until Thanksgiving break for me. Saturday was the annual parent picnic. I think it turned out to be really nice even after all the mess in the morning. The people who work at the city community centers are so incompetent. I was told I had one pavilion but when I got there there was a 5K that wasn't ending until 11am at that pavilion. Thankfully there was a really nice police officer that was helping out and he called the park police to find out what was going on and got us to the pavilion that I had originally wanted but was already booked. Everything turned out to be really nice. The kids seemed to have fun, there was good food and the parents and teachers were able to mingle and talk to one another. All in all a nice morning/afternoon.
Saturday night Leland and I were finally able to get all glammed up and go out for a night on the town, well, partially. I had the Women's Conference that I left a little early from so we could go to Leland's event. Every year UTHSC does a huge fundraiser dinner and a dance after the dinner. All the graduates for the year were invited to attend the dance after the dinner. We decided to go and check things out. It was at the Grand Hyatt in downtown and I have to say, it is a gorgeous hotel! We were on the fourth floor in the Texas Ballroom. It was lit in red, white, and blue, and it was huuuuuuge! I was amazed as to how big of a room it was. We did a little dancing, ate some appetizers and talked to some of the profs at the school then it was off to Mi Tierra, only my all time favorite Mexican food restaurant. It felt so good to finally spend a few uninterrupted hours out with my husband. It was a fun little date night.
Leland has been sick for a few days and I am afraid he has mono. He has some of the same symptoms I had and his schedule has just worn him down. Fevers on and off all day and it gets really bad at night. Sore throat, hard to breathe, coughing, stuffy nose and altogether tiredness. I really hope it's not mono. Hopefully today he is better and can get back to his old routines. I feel so helpless. I wish there was something I could do for him to get him better, but I know there's nothing I can do. Poor guy.
Life is still busy as ever and trying to keep up with everything is really hard. I might have to go into hiding, oh, wait, I have already done that. Well, maybe go even more into hiding until I can get caught up with everything.

Finally! I Finished Something on My To-Do List

A long time ago I decided that I was going to refinish a hope chest that was my Grandpa Smith's. After about four years I finally decided to do it. The big reveal won't be for a couple of days, so you are just going to have to wait on pins and needles to see the finished product. The part I am happiest about is the fact that I actually did a fun, redecorating thing that I always talk about doing but never actually do it. My next goal, the dining room furniture. I may have to call in some help on this one. I want to replace the seat bottoms and cushions, but don't want to ruin the antique chairs and table. I also want to refinish the the chairs, table and buffet but living in an apartment doesn't make it easy to do since I can't move my furniture outside to do it. I will figure it all out then get it done. It feels so good to finally do one thing that has been on my to-do list for so long. I just wish I had a "before" picture so I could post and compare the "before" and "after" shots. Why didn't I think of that before? Dang it!

Musings at Midnight

I hate it when I can't fall asleep. I can't get comfortable, I'm too hot and things just keep running through my mind like crazy. It's like I can't turn my brain off right now. I thought what better way to turn my brain off than to write what is in my head, so this may be a long post. I don't blame you for not reading it all the way through.

Item Numero Uno: Cops (bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do, whatch gonna do when they come for you?)

The cops paid a visit to the school twice this week. Once was to serve a student with a Criminal Trespass Warning (he cannot step foot onto or into any NEISD facility without the written permission of the principal of the school he trespassed on or the police at that facility for two years), and once for making a report about a student who was mugged on the way to school. The mugging couldn't have happened to a better kid either. He takes the city bus to school because his grandmother and uncle whom he lives with cannot drive him to school. He gets off the bus and BAM he's pushed down from behind and has his phone stolen from him. Luckily the kid wasn't hurt. This is what peeves me. The cop comes in to take the report and stands with his arms folded across his chest the entire time he's there except when he is writing stuff down. He says there is nothing the police can do and then lectures the kid for about twenty minutes on safety. What the heck are the SAPD officers good for these days? They couldn't get the report right when my car was stolen and couldn't find it and now they can't help a scared kid. Here's what they can do, GET OFF YOUR FAT LAZY BUTTS AND START PROTECTING YOUR COMMUNITY! Instead of lecturing a kid for twenty minutes how about you get in your car and start driving around the area looking for the perp? That would be a good idea. My guess is the cop left and didn't do a darn thing to try to find the perp. On the up side, the kid that ran away last week was safely back home two nights later. he now has no freedom whatsoever, but he is back at home. Then there was a kid that threatened another student because he has been bullying a smaller kid in the class. It was kinda nice that the kid was sticking up for his friend, but it caused all sorts of trouble for me for about four hours then the kid that was threatened decided to leave the school after we called a conference with the all the kids parents that were involved. That made for an awkward conference. I had teachers come in to discuss things with both parents and I was ready to rumble then the bombshell of one kid leaving the school just made perfect timing for the awkward silence. Nice! The best part of the week is that there are two sixth graders that are constantly picking on each other. A boy and a girl no less. The girl says stuff to the boy and the boy to the girl and the girl's friends are all involved in the drama. The friends of the girl are in my office reporting to me the haps at PE that day because the girl is too upset to talk to me herself. Whatever! It's funny the things that come across your office.

Item Numero 2: Church

Today was a pretty good day at church. I was actually awake this morning so I could focus a bit easier. The best part was the lesson in YW. Cordy gave the lesson to the Beehives on journal writing. I think this is why I can't get to sleep tonight. My mind is racing of all the things I want to write about. As I was sitting in the lesson I soon realized there are two major events in my life that I have not written about ever, my baptism and my patriarchal blessing. I am going to start with my baptism and my memories of that and then move to my patriarchal blessing and the things that have some to pass thus far in my life.

My Baptism happened in Tulsa, Oklahoma on April of 1990 about three weeks after I turned 8 yrs old. I had to wait until then so my Grandpa Smith could come up from San Antonio to be a part of the event and confirm me. My mom had made my baptism dress of white terry cloth material. It was so soft. Sis. Walsh was the main speaker. She gave me a plant to remind me of the new covenants I had made that day. She was one of my favorite people. She died a few years later of cancer I believe. My dad was the one to baptize me. He had to dunk me twice because the aforementioned dress came up and lifted out of the water, go figure. Then my Grandpa Smith confirmed me a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I remember being a little nervous and scared, but once I come up out of the water and was confirmed, a feeling of peace resided in me. I am grateful for the choice I made at such a tender age to be a member of the church. I have learned so many things and have had so many blessing come my way because of that one evening in April.

My Patriarchal Blessing was done in July 1998. I was 16 yrs old and was just learning to drive and was so happy when my mom let me drive to the Patriarch's home in Copperas Cove to do the blessing. My dad was the bishop of my ward at that time and did my interview to make sure I was worthy to receive the blessing. Dad was not able to attend the blessing because of his duties as Bishop, but I know he was happy for my decision. Mom and I sat and talked with Patriarch Olsen for about ten minutes before he began the blessing. I had never met this man before and he was going to talk to me for ten minutes then be able to give me a blessing that was going to lay out my life for me? I thought that was interesting. My mom told me after my blessing that he truly is an inspired man, without knowing which of the 12 tribes my parents are from he was able to tell me that I am of the lineage of Ephraim (like both my parents). He also told me twice in the blessing to be sensitive to the Spirit. There have been a few times in my life that I have had to really listen to the Spirit. The most recent happened last year when I received a job offer in EP and didn't take it even though it was what I have been wanting to do with my life since high school. The Spirit gave me such an impression that I was not to take that job. At the time I didn't know why, but if I had taken that job I would not be happily married to an amazing man. The next impression of the Spirit was when I decided to move to SA. I originally moved here so that I could help take care of my aging, ailing Grandpa Smith and go to grad school. When G-pa died five months before I moved it put a kink in the plans and now I was moving for grad school and start my teaching career. It also put me in the place I am now. Inspiration three happened when I was trying to decide what college to go to. I was being heavily recruited by The University of Louisville. I was about two months away from signing on the dotted line when the head coach was no longer working there. I decided I would wait and see what was going to happen before I moved on. When January rolled around there was no news and I decided to re-start my search for a school. That's when UTEP entered. It was a difficult decisions because I was going to be 10 hrs from my family and no one lived there that I knew. I didn't want to go, but I did. I was able to grow a lot as a person and develop my testimony. It was a tough six years in EP, but I am grateful for the experience and the people. I was able to serve in capacities that I never thought possible and learn more than I ever have. My blessing also tells me (and I am paraphrasing here because I don't remember the exact wording) that I will be an example to and lead the youth. Right now I am an assistant principal at a middle/high school charter. I am also a counselor in the YW Presidency in my ward. I have also served as a Relief Society President and Counselor and more importantly, as a friend and confidant to many youth in my life. I was also told in my blessing that I would be married to a worthy priesthood holder in the temple. I believe because of that blessing right there I made the choices I did for my life. It was always my goal to be worthy to have a temple recommend and marry in the temple. There were many times when I had many choices before me that I knew would not lead me to the temple. I could have spent four or more years partying with my friends who are not members of the church and placed myself in some pretty bad situations. I could have not accepted the callings that I did. I could have made the decisions my brother made so I would not be made fun of for my my beliefs and so I could fit in with those around me. But I didn't. I made the decisions that I knew were going to benefit me. Many people would say that all of this is coincidence, but I know it's not. When a man who you have only known for ten minutes tells you these things at the age of 16 you are inclined not to believe it. But when you look back on the years and everything that has happened in your life and you find and read your blessing, you begin to see that that one man is truly inspired and led by the Spirit. After twelve years and many moves I have lost the actual blessing that is on paper, but I remember the blessings in my heart and my mind. There are some other things that are in my blessing that have not come to pass yet and I anxiously await the days that they do. I know my blessing is not a one shot deal it will continue to last through this life and the next. I am grateful for my knowledge of the gospel and the blessings it brings to my life.

I am still not tired nor am I ready for bed. It's after midnight and I have to wake up in about five hours. Maybe now that things are out of my head I can let me mind be at rest and I can sleep. We shall see what happens. But for now, Good Night!