What a Start to a New Year!

What a month it has been! I had to have an appendectomy at the beginning of the month. I was back at work after Christmas for four days then, BAM! Out of nowhere this thing hits me. It has not been the best experience of my life. I also had the worst infection ever a week after the original surgery. That is some pain I will never forget. It was also a four day hospital stay that was just, well, depressing. I now know why people don't heal as quickly in a hospital as they would if they were at home with friends and family. For example, due to my infection they had to reopen my incision and then make the incision a little bigger (two procedures that if I loved pain I would have been thrilled to go through). When they did that they measured how deep the wound was. The wound was about half of one of those long hospital q-tips. The day I left the hospital it was still about the same depth. Two days after leaving the hospital the wound had healed to the point that the depth was only just above the cotton swab part of the q-tip. Four days in the hospital and bupkiss (I know I spelled it wrong, but oh well). Two days out and it was so much better! Oh, and you want to know why people lose weight in the hospital? The food. The food is horrible! Some of the stuff was good, like the biscuits, apple pie, and french toast, but that was it. The PCA (Personal Care Assistant) would ask me how much of the food I ate after every meal. I asked him if he would eat all that stuff and he just smiled and walked out of the room. Grossness! I am just happy I only have to go through it once in my life.
I have learned a few things from this experience.

I have learned that you shouldn't put off going to the doctor if you think something is seriously wrong. If I had waited like I usually would I proably would have been much worse and maybe not be here right now.

I have learned that there are still people that genuinely care.

There are things in your life that you just cannot control and have to learn to put your trust and faith in Heavenly Father and realize that He knows what is best for you.

I already knew this, but healthcare is EXPENSIVE. I have insurance and I am still going to be paying out the wazoo for everything.

Female doctors are ruthless. The two procedures in the hospital concreted that for me. I understand the whole "It's a man's world and I have to show that I can compete" attitude, but do you really have to lose all bedside manner and treat people as if they were a paper plate after a bbq dinner?

ER's totally hoover. Four hours in the waiting room and another three hours in a room waiting to be admitted and no one noticed when I hit that call button for help.

Something else I already knew but was made more concrete: nothing can beat a priesthood blessing given by a worthy priesthood holder. The fears and discomfort left after having one and I knew I was going to be okay.

You do not get the rest you need in a hospital. Every 2-4 hours you are being awakend to have your vitals checked or bracelet scanned for new IV fluids and medication, the people in the halls are loud, the roommate has dementia and talks in his/her sleep or breathes so loudly that you can't even hear yourself think. No rest for the weary.

Nothing can compare to the love and support from family and friends, even if your family is 560 miles away. My friends filled a gap that was left behind after my mom went back to EP after the appendectomy. Thanks to everyone for everything they did to help me in my times of need. The Lord knows how to reach people even when you don't or you can't.

There are probably other things I learned but can't think of them. Maybe sometime down the line I will remember them.

No Worries

I found out yesterday that my dad has skin cancer. I always thought I would be the first one in the family to have skin cancer, but I'm not. When we were debating about who was going where for the Christmas break, Dad told me that I should probably go to EP becuase he found some spots on his head. I told him it was skin cancer. His response was that he could not have cancer because it was the area where he always wore his hat. I continued to tell him that it was cancer. he still didn't believe me. Monday Dad went to the doctor and they did the testing and they confirmed that he has skin cancer. We don't know how serious it is yet, but in February we will. Dad told me that the worst thing that could happen is that they did not catch it in time and the cancer has spread to his brain. So far, the doctors think that it was caught in time. Dad will have the surgery next month and we will be able to tell more then.
What is really strange to me is that I am not worried or concerned about it. There are thoughts in my head that if it is really serious I may have to move back home to help my family. What would I do if I had to move back home? That seems to be the biggest concern for me. I care about my Dad and his health, but I don't feel all panicky or overwhelmed or anything else. Maybe because I know my family genes. My great-grandmother is 101 with Alzheimer's and is still kickin. She also goes into heart failure every Christmas, except this year, and she is still going strong. I come from a family of fighters. We don't back down from challenges. We push through, do what we gotta do and move on. Maybe I know everything will be okay. That whatever happens is suppose to happen and there is no need to fret. I do not feel like my world is going to end because of someone in family has cancer. It also helps that Dad doesn't blow things up and make them worse than theye really are. In fact, he underplays things. Big things that happen are viewed as if they happen everyday and it's not big deal. Should I worry more? I don't think so. My family is pretty good at hiding our true feelings though. For now, no worries.
The best part about this for me would be if the cancer was worse than expected. I know that sounds bad, but hear me out (I don't mean any disrespect for the following comments to anyone who has family going through cancer and the treatments and everything else). Since I was a little girl, 5-6 yrs old, I have wanted my dad to be bald. The bald spot on top of his head has been the same size since I can remember. I use to tell him that he needed to shave his head. If he shaved his head I would buff his head to the point you could see your own reflection. Dad has always reminded me of Mr. Clean.....well, a Mr. Clean with hair and not so bulky. I thought it would be the coolest thing for my dad to have a shiny head. If the the cancer is worse than expected and he has to do chemo or radiation or some other type of treatment that will make his hair fall out I will be living my childhood dream. I could really shine his head. Yeah, I know, sounds like I am hoping things are worse than they could be, but I have faith that everything will be okay and my chuildhood dreams will have to wait a little longer. I also have to find the silver lining. Somebody in my family has to look on the bright side and have some fun with this horrible disease. Does this mean I am covering my real feelings because I make light of the situation? Would I really try to hide something like this? Heck, no! I mean, when my Grandpa Smith died three years ago I was sad, no doubt about it. Instead of looking at it as he is no longer in my life and I should be really depressed and sad I looked at it as he is no longer suffering. He is living with my grandmother whom he loved dearly. He is watching over me and protecting me. He is happy where he is. He led a great life. When you have the knowledge of the the fullness of the gospel things tend to be a little easier to swallow in life. When I saw my grandpa in the casket at his funeral I broke down a little and cried. I cried because it was hard for me to see him lying there not doing anything. But it was also tears of joy seeing him in all white knowing that he is with a loving Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. The Gospel of Christ is so true. You cannot deny it.
There is nothing for me to fret about. There is no reason for me to be gloomy. I cannot change the situation my dad is in. I can offer my support and love and do what my dad would want me to do--not worry. Dad's tough (I should know, he taught me about being tough), he's strong and he will make it through whatever the Lord has in store for him. That I have no doubts about.

Warning! Contents of this post are little all over the place

I was reading a friend's blog today and she was talking about some things that I have had some experience with. It is hard to hear things from family that we should not hear from them. Families and home should be a sactuary from the world. When we go home we should have some protection and be in places that uplift and renew us. Sometimes that isn't the case. I grew up in a home where everyone was very critical of everyone else. My mom was 19 when she got married and my dad was 22. My mom has always been very critical of what I should look like and be. My dad use to be pretty critical of me until I told him what I really thought of what he said and the effect it was having on me. When I am having a hard time with something my mom will join the complaint bandwagon and even throw in some things that I didn't even think of to make me feel worse. For example, I have always had trouble with my weight. All of my friends are skinny mini's with the perfect body and it seems they don't have to try hard to get that way. I had two friends that had babies and they both gained about 35 lbs. Less than a month after the births my friends were back to their pre-pregnancy weights and looking better than ever. I look at a piece of cheesecake and gain 10 lbs, no lie. I recently lost about 20 pounds and am pretty happy about the success. When I was home for Christmas my dad and I were taking our blood pressures. My dad, for some unknown reason, has high blood pressure and is on meds so he has to check it all the time. I decided to check mine since I hadn't done so in a long time. My systolic pressure was through the roof while my diastolic was fine. I told my mom and all she could say was, "I guess you need to lose more weight." Then I told her I don't understand how my pressure could be like that seeing that I exercise all the time and don't eat alot of unhealthy stuff and with the current weight loss my pressure should not be that high. All my mom could say was that I should try harder. My mom is also not happy that I am not dating anyone. For the first year I lived here she would ask me every time I talked to her if I was dating anyone. My mom wants me to get married and start having kids so bad that she has already started buying baby clothes for her future grandchildren. She is upset that I did not follow in her footsteps and get married at a young age. Alot of it has to do with being a Mormon girl. For some reason in the Mormon community if you are not married before graduating college there is something wrong with you, or so it seems. I look at the generation my parents grew up in and the generation I have grown up in and realize that they are two totally different generations. My parents grew up in a time when the woman's place was in the home and that was what was most important. I still believe the most important work a woman can do is in her home with her children, but I am not even close to being there, so it's not a big deal to me right now. Today's 20/30 something women have benefited greatly from the women's lib movement. Women have more opportunities than what was afforded them in the past and that is a great thing. There are just some things our parents don't understand.
I have learned to handle what my parents say with a grain of salt. I think at some point in time parents try to live vicariously through their children so that they can make a choice they never were able to make or regret not making. I know my parents want the best for me. I listen to what they have to say and then go and do what I know I need to do while still keeping what they have said in mind. I have learned that family can say some harsh things and be very critical of one another, but I still love them. They have supported me through all my ups and downs, good times and bad times. I have also learned that the only person who can make me feel inferior is me (Thank you for that quote Eleanor Roosevelt). I can't let someone else dampen my image of me. When that happens I have to remember that I am a daughter of God and he knows how beautiful I really am and what I can become. Even when things get are difficult and the world seems to turn it's back on you, you can always turn to your Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for comfort, strength and support.

It's 2009 and I am sitting here doing nothing but play on the computer. The past year has been full of learning experiences and I expect 2009 to be the same. As I look back on 2008 I realize how much I didn't accomplish but also how much I did accomplish. My main goal for 2008 was to get out of where I work and start doing something I have been wanting to do for awhile, coaching high school soccer. That goal was never met. It was heart-breaking for me. For the first time in my life I set a goal and I did not reach it. I was close and I watched as opportunity after opportunity slipped just out of my reach thinking that the next one was going to be the one. If that hadn't happened I wouldn't have anything to look forward to for this year. It turned out to be a pretty good thing that happened. One of my accomplishments for 2008 was finally feeling more like an adult. No more help from Mom and Dad. Although I love their help, I wanted to be more independent. My parents don't like it, but I think they have known this was coming for a long time now. Their little girl is finally all grown up.
Last night was a blast as I spent the evening with friends dancing and making sure all the food was just right. There were some speed bumps along the way that made my blood boil a bit though. In one of my past posts I talked about someone that wanted to dye my hair because she felt that my hair did not match my eyebrows. She was at it again. This time it was all about shooting down ideas from other people because the "future wedding and event planner" already had everything all planned out how she wanted it done. Funny, I always thought that planners had to know how to listen to others and what they want, not what the planner wants. Hmmmmm, will there be success in that business? I have been doing parties and things like this event since I was 11/12 years old and I know what I am doing with food and epediting the food so that it is the freshest and best quality it can be. I wanted to be a caterer for many years but I also had other things I wanted to do so I went a different path. Trying to tell me how to do things does not bode well with me. The best part of this, she was suppose to get the dollar store champagne glasses for the Martinelli's and she never did so we ran out of cups for the whole toast at the end of the night. She then wanted me to put the Martinelli's out at 10pm because, "everyone is here that is coming". Hellooooo! It's a singles dance. I know that everyone will not show up within an hour of the dance starting so to serve the toasting drink before the toast when I know the nature of the dances does not make sense to me. DUH! Instead of looking at the people with experience in these things and having trust and faith in them that they know what they are doing is not going to bode well when you have a business. You have to be able to make connections and relationships with your vendors. If you rub even one of them the wrong way you could lose everything you have built. You can't go in to the professional florist and tell him/her that you don't like what they have created for your client, especially after the client has already signed off on it. You can't expect a bride to listen to you when you won't listen to her and give her what she wants. One of my master's professors once told me that when dealing with people you have to remember that it's not about you, it's what's best for the other person. You may not like what is going on but it's not about you. If you can't think about the other parties involved then you are going to be the most stressed person in the world and end up doing nothing and losing whatever you have. So maybe not that dramatic, but dude, you have to listen to other people and stop thinking that your way is the only and correct way to do things. It is not a "my way or the highway" life. In order to still have a good night, I tried to avoid that person at all cost. This person also felt that she should have more of the Martinelli's than everyone else even after telling her that since we don't know how many people are there and how many are going to want to the drink we have to ration it until everyone that wants any has some. Afterwards, the rest of the bottles were placed on the table and it was free-for-all. Some people just get on your last nerve and you can't be around them or deal with them. I am so totally over it all. Whatever, cry a river build a bridge and get over it.
2009 will be another extension of another year with even more to experience. Maybe this year will be different. There will still be trials. There will still be laughter and fun. And I will still be me, Katie G.