No Worries

I found out yesterday that my dad has skin cancer. I always thought I would be the first one in the family to have skin cancer, but I'm not. When we were debating about who was going where for the Christmas break, Dad told me that I should probably go to EP becuase he found some spots on his head. I told him it was skin cancer. His response was that he could not have cancer because it was the area where he always wore his hat. I continued to tell him that it was cancer. he still didn't believe me. Monday Dad went to the doctor and they did the testing and they confirmed that he has skin cancer. We don't know how serious it is yet, but in February we will. Dad told me that the worst thing that could happen is that they did not catch it in time and the cancer has spread to his brain. So far, the doctors think that it was caught in time. Dad will have the surgery next month and we will be able to tell more then.
What is really strange to me is that I am not worried or concerned about it. There are thoughts in my head that if it is really serious I may have to move back home to help my family. What would I do if I had to move back home? That seems to be the biggest concern for me. I care about my Dad and his health, but I don't feel all panicky or overwhelmed or anything else. Maybe because I know my family genes. My great-grandmother is 101 with Alzheimer's and is still kickin. She also goes into heart failure every Christmas, except this year, and she is still going strong. I come from a family of fighters. We don't back down from challenges. We push through, do what we gotta do and move on. Maybe I know everything will be okay. That whatever happens is suppose to happen and there is no need to fret. I do not feel like my world is going to end because of someone in family has cancer. It also helps that Dad doesn't blow things up and make them worse than theye really are. In fact, he underplays things. Big things that happen are viewed as if they happen everyday and it's not big deal. Should I worry more? I don't think so. My family is pretty good at hiding our true feelings though. For now, no worries.
The best part about this for me would be if the cancer was worse than expected. I know that sounds bad, but hear me out (I don't mean any disrespect for the following comments to anyone who has family going through cancer and the treatments and everything else). Since I was a little girl, 5-6 yrs old, I have wanted my dad to be bald. The bald spot on top of his head has been the same size since I can remember. I use to tell him that he needed to shave his head. If he shaved his head I would buff his head to the point you could see your own reflection. Dad has always reminded me of Mr. Clean.....well, a Mr. Clean with hair and not so bulky. I thought it would be the coolest thing for my dad to have a shiny head. If the the cancer is worse than expected and he has to do chemo or radiation or some other type of treatment that will make his hair fall out I will be living my childhood dream. I could really shine his head. Yeah, I know, sounds like I am hoping things are worse than they could be, but I have faith that everything will be okay and my chuildhood dreams will have to wait a little longer. I also have to find the silver lining. Somebody in my family has to look on the bright side and have some fun with this horrible disease. Does this mean I am covering my real feelings because I make light of the situation? Would I really try to hide something like this? Heck, no! I mean, when my Grandpa Smith died three years ago I was sad, no doubt about it. Instead of looking at it as he is no longer in my life and I should be really depressed and sad I looked at it as he is no longer suffering. He is living with my grandmother whom he loved dearly. He is watching over me and protecting me. He is happy where he is. He led a great life. When you have the knowledge of the the fullness of the gospel things tend to be a little easier to swallow in life. When I saw my grandpa in the casket at his funeral I broke down a little and cried. I cried because it was hard for me to see him lying there not doing anything. But it was also tears of joy seeing him in all white knowing that he is with a loving Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. The Gospel of Christ is so true. You cannot deny it.
There is nothing for me to fret about. There is no reason for me to be gloomy. I cannot change the situation my dad is in. I can offer my support and love and do what my dad would want me to do--not worry. Dad's tough (I should know, he taught me about being tough), he's strong and he will make it through whatever the Lord has in store for him. That I have no doubts about.