Inadequacies or Paranoia?

Lately I have been feeling like I keep messing up. I am not a fan of having to feel like I have to "check in" with someone all the time about everything. I feel like I am being watched like a hawk. I can't stand it when people micro-manage. My principal is good, don't get me wrong, but I feel as though what I do is not good enough, or I am not doing enough. No matter what I do I have to check in with him on everything. Just let me go and do! If he would let me do my thing with these kids then I would be able to do so much more in the discipline realm. I try to always tell him what is going on but when I do it seems as though he a) isn't really listening, b) is judging every decision I make, or c) doesn't care until something is about to go terribly wrong then I feel stupid. I feel like I just can't seem to get it right. Like maybe I really am not cut out to be an administrator. I feel like by this time in the school year I should have been settled and have a routine, but I am still all over the place. I can't even get all my stuff organized before it's unorganized again. I am so behind on everything that I need to be doing. Will this feeling ever end? Will being under a microscope ever stop? I want to be doing the right thing and making the best decisions, but it all seems so useless right now. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. Maybe I am doing better than I thought. I don't know, I just don't know.

On the Run, As Usual

Things never seem to slow down, even for a tiny it. This morning I awoke hoping it was still Sunday, but to my disappointment, it's another Monday. The weekends just seem to fly by. I really would love to have two days in my weekend, but that will not happen until Thanksgiving break for me. Saturday was the annual parent picnic. I think it turned out to be really nice even after all the mess in the morning. The people who work at the city community centers are so incompetent. I was told I had one pavilion but when I got there there was a 5K that wasn't ending until 11am at that pavilion. Thankfully there was a really nice police officer that was helping out and he called the park police to find out what was going on and got us to the pavilion that I had originally wanted but was already booked. Everything turned out to be really nice. The kids seemed to have fun, there was good food and the parents and teachers were able to mingle and talk to one another. All in all a nice morning/afternoon.
Saturday night Leland and I were finally able to get all glammed up and go out for a night on the town, well, partially. I had the Women's Conference that I left a little early from so we could go to Leland's event. Every year UTHSC does a huge fundraiser dinner and a dance after the dinner. All the graduates for the year were invited to attend the dance after the dinner. We decided to go and check things out. It was at the Grand Hyatt in downtown and I have to say, it is a gorgeous hotel! We were on the fourth floor in the Texas Ballroom. It was lit in red, white, and blue, and it was huuuuuuge! I was amazed as to how big of a room it was. We did a little dancing, ate some appetizers and talked to some of the profs at the school then it was off to Mi Tierra, only my all time favorite Mexican food restaurant. It felt so good to finally spend a few uninterrupted hours out with my husband. It was a fun little date night.
Leland has been sick for a few days and I am afraid he has mono. He has some of the same symptoms I had and his schedule has just worn him down. Fevers on and off all day and it gets really bad at night. Sore throat, hard to breathe, coughing, stuffy nose and altogether tiredness. I really hope it's not mono. Hopefully today he is better and can get back to his old routines. I feel so helpless. I wish there was something I could do for him to get him better, but I know there's nothing I can do. Poor guy.
Life is still busy as ever and trying to keep up with everything is really hard. I might have to go into hiding, oh, wait, I have already done that. Well, maybe go even more into hiding until I can get caught up with everything.

Finally! I Finished Something on My To-Do List

A long time ago I decided that I was going to refinish a hope chest that was my Grandpa Smith's. After about four years I finally decided to do it. The big reveal won't be for a couple of days, so you are just going to have to wait on pins and needles to see the finished product. The part I am happiest about is the fact that I actually did a fun, redecorating thing that I always talk about doing but never actually do it. My next goal, the dining room furniture. I may have to call in some help on this one. I want to replace the seat bottoms and cushions, but don't want to ruin the antique chairs and table. I also want to refinish the the chairs, table and buffet but living in an apartment doesn't make it easy to do since I can't move my furniture outside to do it. I will figure it all out then get it done. It feels so good to finally do one thing that has been on my to-do list for so long. I just wish I had a "before" picture so I could post and compare the "before" and "after" shots. Why didn't I think of that before? Dang it!

Musings at Midnight

I hate it when I can't fall asleep. I can't get comfortable, I'm too hot and things just keep running through my mind like crazy. It's like I can't turn my brain off right now. I thought what better way to turn my brain off than to write what is in my head, so this may be a long post. I don't blame you for not reading it all the way through.

Item Numero Uno: Cops (bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do, whatch gonna do when they come for you?)

The cops paid a visit to the school twice this week. Once was to serve a student with a Criminal Trespass Warning (he cannot step foot onto or into any NEISD facility without the written permission of the principal of the school he trespassed on or the police at that facility for two years), and once for making a report about a student who was mugged on the way to school. The mugging couldn't have happened to a better kid either. He takes the city bus to school because his grandmother and uncle whom he lives with cannot drive him to school. He gets off the bus and BAM he's pushed down from behind and has his phone stolen from him. Luckily the kid wasn't hurt. This is what peeves me. The cop comes in to take the report and stands with his arms folded across his chest the entire time he's there except when he is writing stuff down. He says there is nothing the police can do and then lectures the kid for about twenty minutes on safety. What the heck are the SAPD officers good for these days? They couldn't get the report right when my car was stolen and couldn't find it and now they can't help a scared kid. Here's what they can do, GET OFF YOUR FAT LAZY BUTTS AND START PROTECTING YOUR COMMUNITY! Instead of lecturing a kid for twenty minutes how about you get in your car and start driving around the area looking for the perp? That would be a good idea. My guess is the cop left and didn't do a darn thing to try to find the perp. On the up side, the kid that ran away last week was safely back home two nights later. he now has no freedom whatsoever, but he is back at home. Then there was a kid that threatened another student because he has been bullying a smaller kid in the class. It was kinda nice that the kid was sticking up for his friend, but it caused all sorts of trouble for me for about four hours then the kid that was threatened decided to leave the school after we called a conference with the all the kids parents that were involved. That made for an awkward conference. I had teachers come in to discuss things with both parents and I was ready to rumble then the bombshell of one kid leaving the school just made perfect timing for the awkward silence. Nice! The best part of the week is that there are two sixth graders that are constantly picking on each other. A boy and a girl no less. The girl says stuff to the boy and the boy to the girl and the girl's friends are all involved in the drama. The friends of the girl are in my office reporting to me the haps at PE that day because the girl is too upset to talk to me herself. Whatever! It's funny the things that come across your office.

Item Numero 2: Church

Today was a pretty good day at church. I was actually awake this morning so I could focus a bit easier. The best part was the lesson in YW. Cordy gave the lesson to the Beehives on journal writing. I think this is why I can't get to sleep tonight. My mind is racing of all the things I want to write about. As I was sitting in the lesson I soon realized there are two major events in my life that I have not written about ever, my baptism and my patriarchal blessing. I am going to start with my baptism and my memories of that and then move to my patriarchal blessing and the things that have some to pass thus far in my life.

My Baptism happened in Tulsa, Oklahoma on April of 1990 about three weeks after I turned 8 yrs old. I had to wait until then so my Grandpa Smith could come up from San Antonio to be a part of the event and confirm me. My mom had made my baptism dress of white terry cloth material. It was so soft. Sis. Walsh was the main speaker. She gave me a plant to remind me of the new covenants I had made that day. She was one of my favorite people. She died a few years later of cancer I believe. My dad was the one to baptize me. He had to dunk me twice because the aforementioned dress came up and lifted out of the water, go figure. Then my Grandpa Smith confirmed me a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I remember being a little nervous and scared, but once I come up out of the water and was confirmed, a feeling of peace resided in me. I am grateful for the choice I made at such a tender age to be a member of the church. I have learned so many things and have had so many blessing come my way because of that one evening in April.

My Patriarchal Blessing was done in July 1998. I was 16 yrs old and was just learning to drive and was so happy when my mom let me drive to the Patriarch's home in Copperas Cove to do the blessing. My dad was the bishop of my ward at that time and did my interview to make sure I was worthy to receive the blessing. Dad was not able to attend the blessing because of his duties as Bishop, but I know he was happy for my decision. Mom and I sat and talked with Patriarch Olsen for about ten minutes before he began the blessing. I had never met this man before and he was going to talk to me for ten minutes then be able to give me a blessing that was going to lay out my life for me? I thought that was interesting. My mom told me after my blessing that he truly is an inspired man, without knowing which of the 12 tribes my parents are from he was able to tell me that I am of the lineage of Ephraim (like both my parents). He also told me twice in the blessing to be sensitive to the Spirit. There have been a few times in my life that I have had to really listen to the Spirit. The most recent happened last year when I received a job offer in EP and didn't take it even though it was what I have been wanting to do with my life since high school. The Spirit gave me such an impression that I was not to take that job. At the time I didn't know why, but if I had taken that job I would not be happily married to an amazing man. The next impression of the Spirit was when I decided to move to SA. I originally moved here so that I could help take care of my aging, ailing Grandpa Smith and go to grad school. When G-pa died five months before I moved it put a kink in the plans and now I was moving for grad school and start my teaching career. It also put me in the place I am now. Inspiration three happened when I was trying to decide what college to go to. I was being heavily recruited by The University of Louisville. I was about two months away from signing on the dotted line when the head coach was no longer working there. I decided I would wait and see what was going to happen before I moved on. When January rolled around there was no news and I decided to re-start my search for a school. That's when UTEP entered. It was a difficult decisions because I was going to be 10 hrs from my family and no one lived there that I knew. I didn't want to go, but I did. I was able to grow a lot as a person and develop my testimony. It was a tough six years in EP, but I am grateful for the experience and the people. I was able to serve in capacities that I never thought possible and learn more than I ever have. My blessing also tells me (and I am paraphrasing here because I don't remember the exact wording) that I will be an example to and lead the youth. Right now I am an assistant principal at a middle/high school charter. I am also a counselor in the YW Presidency in my ward. I have also served as a Relief Society President and Counselor and more importantly, as a friend and confidant to many youth in my life. I was also told in my blessing that I would be married to a worthy priesthood holder in the temple. I believe because of that blessing right there I made the choices I did for my life. It was always my goal to be worthy to have a temple recommend and marry in the temple. There were many times when I had many choices before me that I knew would not lead me to the temple. I could have spent four or more years partying with my friends who are not members of the church and placed myself in some pretty bad situations. I could have not accepted the callings that I did. I could have made the decisions my brother made so I would not be made fun of for my my beliefs and so I could fit in with those around me. But I didn't. I made the decisions that I knew were going to benefit me. Many people would say that all of this is coincidence, but I know it's not. When a man who you have only known for ten minutes tells you these things at the age of 16 you are inclined not to believe it. But when you look back on the years and everything that has happened in your life and you find and read your blessing, you begin to see that that one man is truly inspired and led by the Spirit. After twelve years and many moves I have lost the actual blessing that is on paper, but I remember the blessings in my heart and my mind. There are some other things that are in my blessing that have not come to pass yet and I anxiously await the days that they do. I know my blessing is not a one shot deal it will continue to last through this life and the next. I am grateful for my knowledge of the gospel and the blessings it brings to my life.

I am still not tired nor am I ready for bed. It's after midnight and I have to wake up in about five hours. Maybe now that things are out of my head I can let me mind be at rest and I can sleep. We shall see what happens. But for now, Good Night!

9/11 - I Will Never Forget, Will You?

Today is the 9th anniversary of the terrorist attacks that took out the World Trade Towers. I remember that day so clearly. I woke up about five minutes before my dad left for work and walked into the living room. I saw a building on fire and asked my dad what movie he was watching. He said he was watching the news. I didn't believe him until I heard the newscasters and started to really watch everything. It was unbelievable! I left for school at my normal time went to my first class where some people were talking about it. After class I went to the student union at UTEP and met a friend for breakfast before going to my next class. AS we sat and watched the TV at the union the crowed started to grow. A little after 9am we watched as the first tower started to fall. By this time the second plane had hit the second tower. Then before going to class the second tower fell and there was nothing but a dust cloud. Later that day more and more footage and pictures started coming out on the news stations. There were pictures of papers falling from the sky, people jumping and falling from the buildings, firemen in all their gear, people crying, battered, torn, families watching from apartments, looks of confusion, shock, horror. Then there came the unity. I have never felt such a sense of American pride an unity across the entire country. From the Atlantic to the Pacific, from the Canadian Border to the Mexican Border the entire country heard the words of George W. Bush, "Let's Roll" and everyone was ready to fight, ready to take it to the people responsible for this sucker punch from behind. Today we are still fighting the terrorist and many people do not agree with what is going on. Do they not remember what was done on our soil? What happened just nine years ago? How quickly we forget, but me I will never forget. As I sit watching the History Channel (I must be getting old when I can see myself in history) and seeing the pictures and video from that day I am taken back to what I was doing that morning. I still cannot believe what happened that morning and it is still weird looking at pictures of the New York skyline without the Twin Towers there. It's still heart-wrenching. I will never forget the men, women and children effected by the events of that day. I will never forget the brave soldiers that are still fighting for our protection and putting their lives at stake so I can live as I do. Thank you to all who protect this great nation. You are blessed and loved by so many. I have the deepest respect for you. Thank you. Do you remember what you were doing that day?

A Set of Fresh Batteries . . .

and I bring you this (ONLY IN UTAH)

A sight for sore eyes! So TEXAS!

Seeing Double

Family Preparedness Sale. Where else could you find this?

I have made my own, but it comes pre-packaged.

The Marriage Guarantee? Really? You can guarantee that? Can you get your money back if you don't get married? haha!

This isn't all the pics, just a little taste. Blogger isn't being very helpful right now. When I get them all posted on FB I will let y'all know.

Best Hot Fudge Ever!

1 cube butter
1 can evaporated milk
1 cup chocolate chips (semi-sweet)
2 cups powdered sugar

Throw it all into a pot and let it boil for two to three minutes. The longer it boils the thicker it will be. Let it cool then serve with your favorite ice cream or other dessert, or you can just grab a spoon and dig in like I do. Either way it's so yummilicous!

Enjoy!

What a Life!

It's been a a little more than a week since I have done any writing. Who knew my life would be so crazy right now? I thought it would be, but not like this though. I knew I was going to have late days at the "office" and I wouldn't have much time for socializing, but I had no idea it was going to be this busy. I go home and if I am not doing anything work related I fall asleep on the couch and stay there until about 1 or 2 in the morning before making it back to bed. I have not been able to workout as much as I thought I would. I maybe get three workouts in a week. I just have to get more settled then I will be okay.

Updates from school:

I have already had three parents in my office for minor skirmishes. Better to call the parents right away than wait for something bigger to happen.

I have already made one boy cry. I thought it would affect me more than what it did. He understands what he did, the consequence he was given, and why it was given. He actually came into my office today to pick up his notification form in a good mood. Weird.

Kids are following the school rules a little better than they use to. I had one kid tell me he's really grateful that I am the Dean of Students. He then proceeded to tell me what he thought of the last guy and how much he hated him. Good times.

Locks placed on the wrong lockers was a blast. Kids coming as much as a week after receiving their lockers and needing their combinations. Kids don't remember anything.

Two of my favorite kids left the school.

So far, no graffiti in the bathrooms. Although, I think I just jinxed it.

Wednesday Folders, grrrrrrrr.

I now appreciate the weekends so much more. I will really grow to appreciate Sunday even more than what I already do.

Those are the events of the past week and half I guess. I have completely lost track of all time. I forgot today was September. I even forgot that we have a three day weekend because of Labor Day. I didn't even realize that Leland and I have been married for eight full months now. I just hope I don't forget the big 1 year mark, that would totally hoover (it might be funny a few years from now).

Leland is quite busy as well. Seminary is going good, so far. He took his board exam on Monday and we are now anxiously awaiting the results. It was a computer test so the results should have been immediate, right? At least you would think they could get the results to him quicker than October. Reffing football is in full swing and he's loving it. Football season is here and so there goes my husband. We were at a friend's house the other night playing games and he was distracted by the NFL Fantasy Football Draft that he had on his phone. Sad. I married a football man, what can I say. He is back in the lab researching and writing so he can finish everything by May. I think that's all. There is just so much going on that I can't keep up anymore. Thanksgiving will be a very welcomed break for the both of us. Life is great, I love it and would have it no other way!