This week has been really stressful and I almost completely broke down in class on Friday. I hate that the kids had finals Monday - Thursday and we still had to go to school on Firday. What is the point of going to school when finals have already been taken. I don't know how much more of this backward thinking I can handle. Will I be able to make it next semester? I am tired of everyday fighting the same stupid fight that I have been fighting this whole year. So far, my predictions of this school year have been correct. The kids are way more out of control than ever due to assistant principals that no one really cares for. Also, the assistant principals seem to be on the kid's and parent's sides rather than backing up the teachers. I have been backed up so far this year, but other teachers have not been backed up. The handbook has gone out the window. There is no consistency with anything at all. I am so frustrated to the point that I don't want to go to work anymore. Good thing it's Christmas break. I could not handle another week like this past week. I just hope everything is different next semester. There are so many other things that could be going on in that school to make it better for everyone involved with it, but they are not going to listen to an American girl. There is so much sexism that goes on that it's absolutely appalling. Every time I have suggested something it goes on deaf ears. Every time a Turkish male suggests the same thing after listening to me it's all good. I need a change and I need to get out of that school and move on to what I really want to be doing, coaching high school soccer and teaching. It's really hard to catch a break in that biz. I have been trying for a very long time and I can't seem to get in. It's hard. I am tired of settling for something less. I seem to always settle and its not fair to me. There are certain things I never settle for, but for some reason with the more important things in my life I tend to settle.
I guess one of my goals for 2009 can be to not settle for anything less than my best. It's going be a long road to really find out what my best is. I don't know if I hvae ever been at my best. Actually, I don't know if I have been at my best since I have moved to SA. I feel as though I was my best when I was in EP. I guess because I felt like I was needed where I was. I could leave here and there will always be someone to pick up where I left off. It's comforting knowing that I can leave and everything be taken care of, but does it make me do and be my best? Not really, knowing I can pawn something off on someone doesn't make me care to be my best. This coming year is about being my best. Best attitude, best work, best service I can give, best I can do.