HOT! HOT! HOT! and Some Randomness

I love Texas and all it throws at me, but are we serious with this heat? It's midnight and it's still in the 90's right now. The past two weeks or so it has been in the 98-103 range. I can understand this type of weather in July and August, but June? I found out tonight that the Hill Country Stake will be doing a stake-wide fast for rain on the next Fast Sunday. If we don't get any rain soon we will be placed in stage 3 water restrictions. San Antonio has been in an extreme drought for a very, very long time. I don't think there is anything worse than extreme, but if there was, that would be us right now. As much as I don't like rain, especially after I wash my car, it is so badly needed and I would be more than happy to have it rain after I wash my car. My electric bill is going to be so sky high this month. I don't even want to think about it.

I am exactly one week away from moving into my new place and my July 1 deadline for new job acceptance. It is really going to hoover if I get a call with a job offer after I sign my lease and have to turn it down especially with all the people that have been pulling for me and working their contacts to get me into one of the schools. If I get a call before Wednesday next week then that's what I will be doing, but with the closing dates of the jobs being either tomorrow or next week, I don't see that happening. Sometimes, though, I think my dad wants this more than me. He's been trying to get me to move back to EP for the past two years since I finished my master's. I can tell things have been hard for him because he calls me constantly. For example, today I was studying at Borders for my Institute class and Dad called to tell me something that he forgot to tell me in our hour long conversation the night before and we ended up talking for an hour before he had to take another call. After that call he called me back and talked for another fifteen minutes. I know he misses me and wants the best for me, but sometimes I think he forgets that I am no longer that little red-headed girl that would sit on his lap and hide my head during the scary parts of the movie. His little girl is all grown up and I think it's hard for him to let go. Dad's will be Dad's and will always want the best for their little girls and, of course, always see them as that little girl who would run to him when he arrived home after work, throw her arms around him, and spend the rest of the evening in his lap watching whatever game was on.

It's literally the middle of the night and I cannot seem to feel tired. This seems to be a recurring theme when I don't have to go to work the next day. Last night I even went to bed early and when I rolled over to look at the clock it was 2:30am and I still have not fallen asleep. It drives me crazy when I can't fall asleep. I have tried everything I can to try to fall asleep, but I just can't do it. Grrrrrrr!

When do you just let go and put your trust in someone else? I have done a lot of soul searching lately and have found that I have trust issues. I seem to have built this wall that is almost impossible for people to get around, get over, or tear down. I have a hard time trusting others. I use to be one of the most trusting people in the world, then high school hit and it all went away. There were so many things that happened starting in high school and extending into college that I feel as though I can't take anything people tell me as true. It's hard for me to believe that I am how people describe me. I will usually say thanks or make a joke about something when I am told something but underneath it all, I have a hard time believing it. I was told so many lies and had so many pranks, tricks, etc pulled on me that it's hard for me to see others as being genuine. How do I overcome that? How can I start to tear down those walls? I don't have an answer and wish I did.

This was a lot of stuff to talk about in one night, but I think I am actually starting to feel a little tired. So with that I say so long, farewell, good night!