Tangents (I seem to be getting on those lately)

So the whole job in Houston didn't work out, but I have another option. I am not going to let this get me down. I have had many challenges, I think. I have never really seen too many things as challenges. I have seen them as things that are a little harder, but not a true challenge. Why is that schools do not hire PE/Health teachers that coach something other than football? Well, football in Texas is king. The best way to give th football coaches what they want (to not have to teach and only worry about football) is to give them a PE or health position. Nevermind that there are actually people that want to help kids improve their fitness levels and learn to love fitness activities. Have you seen the kids in America today? There are kids in kindergaten that weigh almost as much as me. I'm sorry but those parents are stupid for feeding their kids that much and the schools are stupid for hiring people that only want to worry about their sports instead of the kids they are being hired to teach. You ahve to teach in order to coach in the state of Texas. Alot of people think that they are hired for coaching. Well, in football, that seems to be the case. With the other sports it's all about the subject area being taught. Wow, I really got off topic quickly. Frustration really hits when I start talking about athletics in Texas. That is why I want to be the UIL Head Athletics Director and start changing things. Football coaches must TEACH the same amount as every other coach in every other sport. No more three periods of football. On top of that there is no need for there to be twelve football coaches. No other sport gets more than two coaches why should football have twelve? I can understand defensive, offensive, special teams, and head coach, but there does not need to be an assistant for each "team". Also, look at the pay discrepencies. Some football coaches are making over $100,000 per year. There are teachers that are only making $40,000 per year. True, they do not hold double duty as teacher and coach but even teacher/coaches don't make that much. Why do football coaches need that much more money? They don't. They have one of the shortest seasons in all of Texas and they make the most money. Off on another tangent, sorry.
It's okay that I did not get the job, but I was a little thrown as to why they didn't say anything until I cantacted them. I tried last week to contact them and never received a reply. So I contacted again and this time it was a quick reply with the excuse that they didn't want to reply until they knew for sure. Here's the thing. There were other people competing for the job who wanted to know as well. Were they not just sitting around waiting for a response they replied too? If so, it's not very polite to not respond. If the other were contacted quickly but not me then, why? Here is only one problem with education (out of the many), educators do not know anything about being business-like. I learned a lot of things from my dad growing up about the business world and how you should do things. If someone e-mails or calls, it is common coutesy to call or e-mail with a response quickly even if you don't know what is going on. The other person just wants some acknowledgement and know that there is still something going with that case. If you place an educator in any other background, that person would not survive. I am grateful I have a dad that taught me about things that other teachers can only dream about knowing. While I did not get a job that would have been great to have, I am still looking and searching and maybe a school out there will be willing to take a chance and find me to be the one they need in their school. Really, everyone needs someone like me in their life. That sounded a little conceited, I know, but the people in your life are there for a reason and everyone needs everyone else in their life, especially me. =0)

Aaaaaaaaaack!

Remember the "Cathy" comic strip? She used to always say "Aaaaaack" when she felt way in over her head. Sometimes I feel like that. I feel as though everything is in a downward spiral. Mostly because I don't have any control over a situation. If I don't have control over something that has to deal with me and my future then I feel stressed. I have to have a lot of faith that everything will be okay and turn out how it is suppose to turn out. It's just stressful knowing my fate, my future, is in the hands of another person. It's just so hard for me to relinquish that control. I just had an "aha!" moment. I never thought of myself as controlling, but I am. Wow! The more control I am able to take the more confident and comfortable I am. I am one of those control freaks now. It goes to show I have very little faith. I was talking to someone last night and we talked about having more faith. I thought I had enough faith, but now I realize, I have none. It's time to repent and learn to give up a little control and have faith. It's going to be hard, but it's gotta be done. I also just now received a bunch of stuff from work that I really should have had months ago and found out I have to get everything done and uploaded to the state by the end of May. 450 tests to adminster and inout into the computer, by myself, by the end of May. Okay, why is everything done at the last minute? One of my co-workers just recieved something yesterday that came in back in March. That just adds to my control issues and stress. I have no control over the situation. I was actually hoping my place of employment would not have to do this testing, but I was wrong. It really hoovers.
Today is Earth Day and my mom's birthday. Mom would always tell me the entire country celebrates her birthday and really, they do. Plant a tree, use less paper, turn off the lights, take mass transit, turn off the water while brushing your teeth all are great ways to appreciate the earth. Have a day and appreciate the earth around you. I know there is alot of stuff going on with earthquakes in the middle of Illinois (of all places) and Texas, drought, flooding, tornadoes, and other natural disasters, but there is so much to appreciate. The trees that are still standing, grass, flowers, sky, water, you know the good stuff in life. I am grateful for everything I have been blessed with. There are so many things that I cannot name them all. Heavenly Father has given me so much and I am grateful to Him for all he has given.

Is All Well?

That's the question for me right now. Is all well? I had a few interviews today. I feel like I did great with one and bombed the others. I wish I was a little more prepared for the directness of the second interview. After all that I am really unsure of what is going on. I won't find anything out until mid or late next week at the earliest. Until then I get to stress and worry and fret. I really don't think I got the job after today. I was so sure going into everything today then, well, blah. At least one thing was great about these past two days, I saw my mom. Since we were in the same city at the same time we were able to spend a few hours together and it was nice. It's always nice to see family.
I have been taught that no matter the distress you are in, you never show it. Some people wear their emotions on their sleeve, but I was always told those people are neurotics looking for attention. To some extent I agree. There are those who seem to only have bad things going on in their lives and they want everyone and their dog to know about it. It's actually a bit depressing to be around those people. Others only want everyone to know what good things are happening so everyone can bask in their glow and do the "look at me everything is always great with me". To me it's all a ploy to get more attention. I would rather only share with close friends my ups and downs. Even my closest friends have no idea what is going in my life. I am a private person that doesn't like attention. I don't try to get into or take the spotlight of others. This has probably been a hinderance in my life, but people who demand the attention are annoying. I don't want to be the annoying person. I would rather sit in the back and be unnoticed than be the center of attention all the time. It's going to take a lot for someone to break down the fortress I have constructed my entire life. If anyone thinks they can do it, I triple dog dare you to try.

Things to Come

These past two days have been good. I was a little ill on Friday, but I think it is only allergies so I am okay. I felt horrible all day Friday and I felt bad for the classes I had to teach because I was useless, but sometimes you have to feel useless and see who can pick up the slack. I also was able to see an old family friend and listen to my dad and "Uncle" Ray talk about their days working in the psych ward. It is great when they get together. There is not one moment of silence and they are hilarous! I hope one day my kids will be able to see the relationships I have with my close group of friends and say the same things. Having my dad here has been the break I needed. I love my family and having them around helps me remember who I am and that there is always going to be someone on this earth that cares for me and wants the best things for me. Plus when Dad comes to visit he pays for everything. Which I really don't like because I feel like I should be paying for him since he has paid for everything my entire life. I also don't feel like an adult when daddy is paying for everything. It makes him feel good to do things for me so I let him.
Today was a really good day. I was able to go to Austin to watch the high school state finals and talk to a coach about a possible job. It was a great meeting. We have the same coaching philosphy and feel the same about developing players as people. There is only one teaching position open and I have to go on an interview very quickly to make sure it is going to be a good fit. I feel really good about this. I hope it all works out. I am grateful it is fast Sunday. This is a huge decision for me. I am one to do what feels right. I usually don't regret my choices. I have never had buyer's remorse; although, I have had eater's remorse. When I make a decision I have it confirmed and I don't think twice about it. Dad is trying to get me to go with a job opennig in Pflugerville, but I don't know about that. I really think the Austin and surrounding areas are beautiful, but do I really want to live there? Not really. I usually listen to what my dad has to say, but this is my life. Somtimes I think he is trying to live vicariously a little through me. I have the opps he really never had or turned down and I think he regrets it a little and doesn't want me to regret my decisions. I don't think I have ever regretted a decision. I like to try everyhting once and if I don't like it I make another decision and try to get out of the situation.
I also went to IKEA for the first time. Yeah, not that great. It's not as good as everyone thinks it is. It's different and that's what everyone likes about it, but it's not good stuff. To me it was cheap-o depot. Anyway, this weekend has been really good. I haven't had near enough sleep, but I can catch up on that. Katie G signing off!

Mmmmmmmm....Cheesecake

I love junk food, especially cheesecake. My dad is in town for a few days and last night he wanted to take me out for dinner. I could have said anything I wanted and usually I pick a place that is moderately priced and not expensive at all, but last night I wanted a really good portobello burger and what better place than Cheesecake Factory. My dad had never been there so it was an introduction of great food and amazing cheeseecake for him. For me it was a break from the ordinary. So while we were there the waiter was freaking me out a little bit. Now I know waiters try to be very personable and welcoming to get that bigger tip but this guy was a little too much for me. Now, I am a nice person so I'm not going to trash his waiter style. I noticed he was waiting a table next to us and wasn't doing the same things he was doing to us. First he was leaning on the post of the booth in this "Yeah look at me I'm so hot" kind of way. Then he started calling me sweetheart and honey and all these "endearing" terms. He was tryinig just a little too hard to make a "cool" impression. I just had to laugh after it was all done. My dad was totally oblivious to what the guy was doing. Sometimes Dad's are just oblivious. Back to the amazing food. Since Dad has never been CF I tried to guide him through the 20 pages of menu and get him to find something he liked. He decided on the Pasta Carbonara. Pasta covered in a light garlic cream sauce with peas and bacon. It was a great dish. We both ordered what we wanted then split our dishes. I think Dad was more interested in my portobello and fries because he didn't eat alot of his pasta. Since I don't like fries that much anyway I didn't mind. The pasta dish was so creamy and rich that we both ate it but there was still over half of the dish left to take home. Dad finished off half my portobello and pretty much all but maybe seven fries which I ate. Then came the good part. Since it is the Cheesecake Factory I couldn't leave without having a slice. The best cheesecake ever--ready for this? Tres Leches Cheesecake. If you lik regualr tres leches and cheescake you will flip for Tres leches Cheesecake. I have never had a cheesecake that was so light and airy with tons of flavor. It was served with the two normal pipings of whipped cream and fresh strawberries. My mouth is still watering for the deliciousness of the cheesecake. Even though Dad didn't want any cheesecake he ate about half of it, maybe a little more. The Cheesecake Factory is a culinary experience. Now if the chefs on Top Chef could cook more foods like what I had last night I would watch the show a little more. There would be real food and not overpriced, disgusting food (goose liver ice cream? C'mon!). After last night indulgence I think I better go workout for about three hours tonight to work off that richness. That's it for me!

Is This What I Should Be doing?

My gut feeling was right and Kansas won, in overtime. It was a great game, at least the ending anyway.

On to the topic-o-the day. Recently I decided that I was ready to get back into coaching soccer. I have been away from the soccer scene for a couple of years now while I finshed my master's degree. I think I am ready for a new start. I have been filling out applications, writing letters and sending resumes across the state of Texas. I haven't been having any success though. I think I may have found something. The first person to contact me has been a coach from Pearland. It seems like it could be a possiblity. I am not 100% sure of it, but I hope something starts to materialize. I know I also have a fall-back plan. I could always move back to my parent's place and take over for my dad. As much as I would love to take over a winning program and have the support I would have with my dad's help I feel like I have to start doing things on my own. I always wonder if what I have accomplished thus far in my life has been because of me working hard or because someone else has pushed for me. I always wonder, "Is this what I should be doing?" When I started the search I was 100% confident that this is what I need to do. I am ready to start a new chapter of my life and do something I love. Now, I really wonder what it is I need to do. This is something I need to decide with help from my Heavenly Father. There are so many pathways I can go. Which one do I choose? I don't want to leave where I am right now, but if things don't start happening soon I am going to have to leave. I guess it's time for me to grow-up a little more and realize that this is the best thing for me.

Final Two

Tonight it is down to the Kansas Jayhawks and Memphis Tigers as the final two teams for the NCAA men's basketball championship. As much as I like college sports I just cant get into this final. I usually love the excitement surrounding the final four. The saddest part is that the final four is in San Antonio this year. I didn't even know it was happening until my mom asked me if I had any tickets for any of the games. How sad is that? I didn't even know the biggest college basketball event was being held in my backyard. I am a disgrace to the college sports scene, I know. Oh, well, that's life and sometimes we are just oblivious to it. I don't know who is going to win this game, but if I go with my gut I say Kansas. Since my gut is usually wrong I am going to say Memphis. This could be the one night that my gut is right, but on the other hand it could be wrong. Anyway, it doesn't matter who wins tonight. I really don't care much about either team anyway.
Tomorrow is the eighth grade TAKS Math test. I HATE the Texas state testing. It's ridiculous. First, the tests are done with eight to six weeks left of the school year. Since there is so much importance placed on these tests the kids think they do not have to do anymore class work once the TAKS is done. You try to get kids to care about what they do in class when they have so much riding on one test. Since the test covers an entire grade's work in one year the teacher's have to cram subject matter into the kid's heads before the test. Wouldn't it make more sense to have the test closer to the last couple of weeks of school instead of with six weeks left? If you really want to see how well kids do on a test then give them time to learn the material, DUH! The Texas legislature is full of rich kids who probably sent all of their kids to private schools and went to private schools themselves and have no clue what it is really like in the public schools. Who votes all these yahoos into the leg. anyway? Other privileged that are just like them. Don't try to tell the state they are wrong, they will just throw money to research the reasons they are right. It's a waste. I should really try to take over the whole Texas education system. My ideas will work. I have so many thoughts. I can't wait until I can start making a difference in the lives of others. I may not be the smartest person in the world but I can bring about change. Have you ever noticed that some of the smartest people book-smart wise have no street smarts or common sense? I feel for those people that are lost in their own little world. They need to get a life. Before I go off on a soapbox I better sign off. That's it for me, Katie G.

Friends

What can I say about Sunday? Sunday is the greatest day to rest. I watched General Conference again today. So I wasn't as focused on it today as I was yesterday because I was filling out a job application, but it was still great to hear the leaders of the church speak. I always learn so much and feel my testimony grow stronger. I am grateful for the gospel and for the blessings in my life.
Recently I have started thinking about friends. I don't know why, but I have been thinking about friends. What friends do I have? Who are my true friends? Why is it so difficult to find good friends? I really don't have a lot of friends, I have more acquaintances than anything else. When I was younger I learned not to trust anyone. Every time I placed my trust in someone that person betrayed my trust. In order to have friends you have to be able to trust people. I would like to think that people can trust me, so why betray a trust? I have also realized that whenever I get close to people either I or the other person leaves. Since I am horrible with remaining in contact with people I usually don't hear from that person anymore. I am grateful for facebook and other social networks that I can keep up with what is going on in people's lives. Friends, to me, are far and few between. They are really hard to find. I do have a group of friends that have been really close to me since my freshman year of college. We all played soccer together throughout college. We went through the same experiences (good and bad) and were able to lean on each other for support. We have had our ups and downs. We are spread all over the United States from Massachusettes to Hawaii to Canada. But we always find some way to stay in touch. This group is the only group that I have been close to for longer than a few years. I am grateful for this group and the things I have learned from them. They are my rock when I need them and have never judged me. While I am trying to increase my circle of friends I find it is hard for me to let my guard down. I have been living in this area for almost two years now and have not shown anyone who I really am. I feel like I can't be me. Hopefully someday I will show everyone who I really am and people will see me.

It's Great to be Me!

So I am new to this whole blogging thing. I have decided since I am on the computer all the time I may as well place a journal online. Here goes nothing.
Today must be one of the greatest days of my life. I am so grateful for General Conference. I love to listen to a living prophet and other disciples of Christ. There were so many messages that I felt were just for me today. I don't think that has ever happened to me in my life. I felt as though each person was talking directly to me. I have a better understanding of who I am and want to be. I am different. I do not like the latest and greatest in fashion. I dress comfortably for me. I do not wear heavy make-up if I wear any at all. If people are going to like me they are going to like me for me and all my flaws. What's the use in trying to hide something that someone will find out about anyway? Because I am like this I have a hard time fitting in with those around me. I always feel as though I am judged because of what I do and what I look like. I am not what you would call one of the "beautiful people". Honestly, who wants to be? It's so much harder trying to impress everyone else. I have always seen that as low self-esteem. Why is it so important that I look a certain way or dress in a certain style to be accepted? Elder Wirthlin's talk today really helped me realize that different is great. Just think if everyone was just like you, talked the same, wore the same clothes, had the same haircut and color, and always did everything just like you. Sure it would be flattering for a while, but how boring would it be when you realized there is no spice in your life? I would hate to live in a world full of me. It's hard enough just living with myself. The rest of the world would have me believe I am worthless because I am not a size 4 or smaller. Sorry world, but I love food and I also know that not everyone has the build to be a size 4. The world has told young girls (and boys) that they need to be a certain type of person in order to be liked or loved. It has led so many down a path of destruction. That is a path I am grateful I have seldomly traveled. I have had my share of difficulties and I know there are more difficulties in the future, but I am prepared for whatever is tossed my way (or at least I think I'm ready). I feel as though I have learned alot about myself today and realize that it's great to be me!